“How long will it take for my kid to learn these skills?”

I dread this question. It is a perfectly reasonable question for parents to ask, but the truth is I don’t know. No honest teacher, coach, or clinician knows the answer for sure. Why?

Every student is unique in how they will respond to learning new skills.

There are so many variables, many of which are out of my control, that factor into how fast or slow progress in seen including: learning profile, emotional state, motivation, level of teacher support, curriculum demands, home environment, social life, afterschool clubs and activities, work schedule, previous experiences receiving extra help, and the list goes on…

On average, I set the expectation of a school year. In the case of John (identifying details changed for confidentiality), it took six.

John first bounced his way into my office the summer before starting high school. He was no stranger to receiving additional support, and it was clear from our first meeting that John was very comfortable expressing his opinions about recommendations that were given to him.

He fit the mold of my “typical” student: motivated, inquisitive, creative, energetic, inattentive, disorganized, socially inflexible, anxious, but above all… kind-hearted.

John wanted to eventually enroll in honors and advanced placement-level classes, join extra-curricular clubs, and hopefully make a friend or two along the way. After his first week of high school classes, his backpack and binders looked like they had been through a category five hurricane, assignments were already incomplete, and he had missed many of the deadlines to enroll in after school clubs. John was frazzled. I was ready.

Over the next two years, we developed, prototyped, and revised John’s assignment tracking and planning system. I worked to increase John’s time awareness, as well as his ability to fully assess all the demands that go into any given task. We developed self-monitoring scales to help him gauge his level of attention and stress in different academic and social situations and drafted a menu of coping strategies to use to bring him back into the neutral zone. John desperately needed a systematic writing approach to focus and organize his ideas, as well as keep him on track.

Our sessions were filled with yoga balls and fidget cubes, pump-up and soothing music playlists, spreadsheets and Sour Patch Kids, graphic organizers and timers… so many timers.

John was always thinking of new ideas and ways to adapt his strategies, but this wasn’t always helpful.

In an effort to constantly improve upon his process, John frequently lacked consistency. He tended to overcomplicate most tasks by adding on too many steps or tools even though our main goal was to streamline and simplify his planning and organizational methods. He frequently found himself in a “last-minute panic mode” when completing major assignments, and his grades, as well as eligibility for clubs, fluctuated each quarter. I started to doubt if I could truly help him. Was anything generalizing?

Despite all his stumbles along the way, John always got up and showed up.

He was determined. I realized that in addition to reinforcing a consistent routine, I also needed to increase John’s self-awareness and flexibility about how he viewed himself and his actions. He learned how to set himself up for success by anticipating, and therefore minimizing, the hurdles he often created for himself. As a result, John finally made it into honors and A.P. classes, maintained a few meaningful friendships, and, while not always a smooth road, he persisted and graduated. After four years of working together, John was off to college. We were both excited and nervous.

After his first week on campus, John once again was frazzled- only this time he had a set of custom tools and strategies to fall back on.

He understood his “danger zones” when it came to planning and was able to recognize a problem early and seek out help. We continued to meet through virtual sessions, and by the end of his first semester, I was struck by how diligently John was logging assignments and planning his time. His declared major was writing intensive, and this time he was ready. Over the next year, I gradually reduced my support knowing that whatever setbacks John experienced were temporary and necessary on his road to independence.

This past July I received a phone call from John. He was accepted into his college’s honors program. John sounded excited but also pensive. With this acceptance came increased academic expectations and requirements. I had to believe that the tools and strategies we had developed would hold up under the increased pressures. Time would soon tell.

This Monday I received another phone call from John. His final grades for the semester were posted, and for the first time he earned straight A’s. This time he sounded proud. So proud.

For me this was the best news of 2020 (okay that’s not saying much); it is one of the highlights of my teaching career so far (that’s saying a lot). It has nothing to do with the grades and everything to do with the pride and confidence I heard exuding from John’s voice.

My hope for John is that he will harness this newly discovered confidence and use it to step outside of his comfort zone. John will experience many new hurdles along the way- some he will anticipate, some he will not. Yet during these challenging times, he will always have his custom set of tools and strategies to fall back on.

The end goal for my students is always the same- independence.

Sometimes it happens quickly and is clear for all to see. Sometimes independence is more gradual, bubbling below the surface until one day it erupts- six years in the making.

So what are the three key takeaways from John’s Success Story?

Learn about yourself
Trust the skill-building process
Get up and show up every day!

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